SK Awards: Spartans WFC

A made-up awards feature in which Spartans WFC striker Diana Barry and goalkeeper Rachel Harrison hand out spoof honours across their Scottish Women’s Premier League squad. Louise Moultray takes the Great Scottish Bake Off for her cupcakes; captain Lou Young is tidiest, folding and hanging everything while the rest chuck kit everywhere. Barry accepts the lateness award, her best excuse being that her nephews were round for tea, and is named fastest feet. Bobbie Beveridge is judged clumsiest and, with Trisha McLaughlin, most tanned, Harrison noting the fake tan comes off in the ice baths. Katie Reilly wins Brainiac in a squad containing several teachers and master’s degrees including Sarah Archibald’s. Kirsty Hamilton is sleepiest, 16-year-old newcomer Elliss Jenkins quietest, and Kirsty McLaughlin or Sarah Ewens ultimate tekkers. Team photographer Carson Ralton takes the talent award.